


Ow the Edge: Mega Collection

by YigaInfoCards



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aftercare, Big Darn Heroes, Daddy Knows Best, Fatherhood, Gandaddy, Hurt/Comfort, Husbundo, Link is Mean, M/M, McDonald's, Multi, Not-hugging, Octorok, Other, Pineapples Where There Shouldn't Be Pineapples, So Many EGS, Tragedy, foot stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-06 08:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11596929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YigaInfoCards/pseuds/YigaInfoCards
Summary: Ganondorf becomes attracted to a certain ultimate lifeform. How close can they get to the edge of their friendship without being hurt?





	1. Of Tomorrow

Shadow chaos controls into Ganondorf's bedroom. He doesn't care how or why, he just wants to sink into the depths of his soul.

And ganny's all "wow being a pig for so long leaves me wanting some edgy black and red bf matieral"

Ganny swallos the chaos emerald, gets all this power, and decides "you know, I want cuddles, let's cuddle" and edge is all "no, i have a master" and ganny says 'wait, what" and edge sayys "I refuse to be ensnared by your web of tangled lies" and ganny looks at him like wth 

then edge is on the bed, bemoaning his lack of a dad, and gamnny doesn't know what to do

ganny awkwardly pats his shoulder "there there son guy" he says, and edge turns to him, eyes of lipid pools and despair searching his soul and says "i want mcdonalds"

"no" says ganny "i will be your mac daddy" and then they hug

and do not-hugging things

the end


	2. Toeing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow is living happily with his new father, Ganondorf. No longer feeling the need to run away from his problems, he trades in his air shoes for a pair of boots and begins learning the true art of the sword.

gandaddy. is ready to spend the weekend with edge. he says "son, do not go where the sun shines" and edge goes "why?" and ganny says "the light is there. it is beyond the EDGE" and edge goes "k" and they play leap frog

backwards

they go get edge new boots and he's all emo and meh about it then concedes and takes off his air shoes and reveals his stanky, stanky 60 year old feet and gandaddy says "oh" and edge says "oh" and suddenly the cobbler and gandaddy are kissing the stanky, stanky 60 year old feet

then there's more kissing

then not-kissing happens

the boots are ruined

the end


	3. Take It to the Limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dead of night, Shadow is spirited away to the Yiga Clan hideout. Convinced that he is not worthy of their leader, the Yiga Clan has put together a series of trials for Shadow to prove himself. Will his love triumph over the pain of the past and present?

Shadow wakes up in this really dim cave with all these eyes looking at him. he is so confused because he was lying next to ganny and cobbler and now he's staring into the oblivion of his own soul. a single tear slides down his face, like the slides he was never able to experience as a child. because he was never a child. and there were no slides in space because gerald was mean. one of his soul pieces talks

it says "Shadow you are not fit to be with our masterful Ganondorf" and another says "you must pass our trials of the steel heart only then will we allow you to be with him" and Shadow grumbles and growls and gestures but agrees.

from the back marches the master matchmaker kohga. he is so ready for this his cheeks are aching.

from smiling.

master matchmaker Kohga reaches for a banana from the hoard.

but there is none.

instead there is a pineapple.

hundreds of pineapples and kohga says "where are the bananas we can't do this without bananas" and the other yiga break down crying and sobbing and they are just inconsolable and Shadow steps forwards and says "no i will take the pineapple" and kohga goes "are you sure?" and shadow says "yes" and kohga says "i mean are you really sure, these are obviously not bananas, this is not in the script, and it will hurt far worse, and there is nothing even mighty about them except perhaps how much agony you will be in" and Shadow says "yes" then bends down on one knee.

he is prepared to eat the pineapple

it is pressed to his cheeks.

he eats one then another and soon half the hoard is gone and he's crying because Gerald was dumb and mean and evil and Ganny is sweet and kind and doesn't he deserve to be happy?

so Shadow says "another" and kohga is all "dude you have literally expanded your stomach to heights we've never before seen before" and Shadow says "another" and one of his soul pieces says "hey we found teh bananas!1" and suddenly there's a crash and his souls are everywhere, poking him with their bananas.

they are so soft

except when they're not

then his cheeks are kissed and other cheeks are not-hugged.

it is a celebration and trial and there are so many banana peels i am not cleaning this up, hylia out.

the end


	4. On the Verge of Inhibitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ganondorf awakens to find his son exhausted after his trials. Understanding how harsh tasks for acceptance can be, he attempts to soothe Shadow's pain. But, there are some things that are simply too agonizing to let go of. Or are they?

gannondaddy wakes up to another beautiful day in his hyrule. and a pineapple poking him in the waist. he looks down and sees Edge bloated with fruit, and covered in mashed bananas and pineapples shells.

he says "my son why have you been beaten by fruit?" and Edge says "i wasnt beaten, gad. i was given a trial." and gandaddy says "what trials? wo did this to you?" and he says "the yiga. they didn't think i worthy. but i am, daddy. i am." and ganny says "oh my dear son, savagely beaten with bananas. i will help you." and Edge is all no no no way but gives in and says "hn."

ganny takes his son to the bathroom and fills the tub with water. he sets Edge in it and also climbs in. he says "shadow, this water is special. it is what the midwives use, and now you, too, shall use it. because pooing pineapples is wrong." and Edge says "whatever, dad." and ganny goes "hmm?" and Edge goes "yes daddy" and ganny goes "there we go."

and they talk and talk and sometimes scream as every last pineapple is taken away to be thrown at the local 35 year old man who stares into their room at night his name is nick and he SUCKS.

hours go by and Edge is all mopey and sad and ganny says "what is wrong, son?" and he goes "nothing" and ganny goes "really?" and Edge goes "really" and ganny goes "really?" and Edge goes "really" and ganny goes "really?" and Edge goes "really" and ganny goes "ok" and Edge says "wait" and gandaddy listens as Edge pours his heart about how mean old professor gerald was and how gerald would stick stuff up Edge's bum called enemas and Edge hated enemas.

and Edge says "but with you, dad. . . . . . . . . . . .i think it wouldn't be so bad"

and ganny says "oh"

suddenly!! a tentacle monster called an octorok reaches into the bathroom and kidnapped Edge!!

ganny screams "no you fiend!" and Edge says "father!" and the octorok not-hugs him tightly and takes him to the river and ganny says "curse you! I will kill you, monster!" and he goes to get his sword and armor and all his guards and his moms and they rush out to save Edge from the not-huggy monsters but they are gone.

and ganny screams at the sky and the clouds and dives into the water to go all the way to zora's river to save Edge.

the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (or is it?)


	5. Exploring Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow has been captured by the menace of Zora's River: Big Daddy-Octo. Will his Ganondorf be able to save his son in time, or will Shadow lose himself to the devilish octorok and his past?

Edge doesn't know what happened. one minute he was soaking in a tub with his dad, the next he was hurtling out the window. he remembers clenching everything before the water and the squid who said to call him daddy. Big Daddy-Octo.

then he realizes he is still awake, and half underwater with so many arms wrapped around him he can barely breathe.

then Big Daddy-Octo says "welcome sonny to my river. i've been awfully lonely up here but i know you will fill the hole in my heart, just as i will fill the hole in yours" and Edge says "hn. you're not my daddy!" and Big Daddy-Octo says "oh ho ho yes i am. i'll show you!" and suddenly the arms move and ege has never been hugged like this before. the embrace is so comfortable and he tries to focus on ganny but it's so hard when those arms.

Big Daddy-Octo says "how about some candy, sonny?" and Edge says "i don't want an" and Big Daddy-Octo says 'but you'll like this, just try it" and suddenly there's a sucker in front of his face, being offered by one of the arms. Edge really likes the taste of it. it reminds him of ganny. Edge pulls at the delicious sucker but can't get rid of it. so he sucks it. it's coffee flavored and he goes "mmm coffee my favorite".

Edge has a great time with Big Daddy-Octo. They not-hug for so long, Edge goes numb but then he hears a voice call him. it says "son!" and he knows it's gandaddy and he tries calling it's rude to talk with your mouth full, so he waves. and ganny punches Big Daddy-Octo out of the river and into the desert where he shrivels and dies like dignity. ganny reaches Edge and says "i'm so sorry, son, i couldn't get here faster." and Edge says "it's okay.......father. i knew you would come" and ganny says "i did.. are you hurt?" and edge says "no, but my tongue is numb from sucking so many suckers. Big Daddy-Octo said" and ganny says "he's no daddy! i'm your daddy!" and edge cries because he does have a dad and he may only have two arms but they are wrapped around him and he is warm and welcomed and he knows that everything will be okay.

then they not-hug and go home.

the end.


	6. Searching Far and Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow and Ganondorf have settled down in their terrifying death castle, finally content. But Shadow’s new responsibilities and experiences have him wondering: is this where he truly belongs?

after getting Shadow back home safely, ganny makes sure nobody could ever hurt his son ever again. He keeps an eye on him every day, spending plenty of quality time together. sometimes the cobbler-dad comes over and Shadow’s stanky, stanky feet are taken care of. and Shadow is so overcome with emotions because his first dad was a mad scientist who never liked his sweaty feet or his attitude, and now he’s had 2 daddies who loved his feet and another who loved all of him. (who is now dead but Edge doesn’t know that yet.) and he is so very, very happy with so many dads. and he is also one. before being roasted into not-sushi Big Daddy-Octo filled Shadow with hundreds of eggs. shadow didn’t know he was pregnant even though he couldn’t see over his bologna belly and his feet hurt all day. soon ganny couldn’t stay every day and Shadow had to watch over his mutant octo-babies in the basement with ll the other rejects but he didn’t mind. he still wanted mcdonald’s though.

then one day Shadow needed blankets and a plate of spaghetti so he went upstairs but!! he heard something like his dad but not because ganny had grunted before but not like this.

quickly Shadow ran up the stairs to ganny's organ room only to see something shiny and bloody sticking out of him. "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!1!" cries Shadow and he runs up to the green dude and kicked him in his loser face. "take that nick!" says Shadow then he runs to ganny crying "why?" and ganny says "my son......" and Edge says "dad....."

gandaddy twitches and falls over and he looks Shadow straight in the eye like an intense father should and he says "Ow the edge," then the air leaves his lungs, and he dies!

for a long time Shadow just stares and cries and cries some more and his octo babies enter and they cry too and then Shadow leaves the castle. he loved ganny soo much and it hurts that his mac daddy is gone. he visits cobbler-dad but a redead gets him. he runs to Big Daddy-Octo but he's past his expiration date.

along in the worldd Shadow run and runs back to the green dude and punts him into the lava. then he goes to ganny's ded body and sees it's shining.

the chaos emerald! he thinks. it's here!!

he takes the emrald and chaos controls out of heightrule.

never to be seen again....

EPILOG

shadow looks at the sunset and sighs. ganny always loves this time of day. it hurts but he knows time and mcdonald's will heal anything.

he thinks about going to the store for some bananas and hotdogs. but not pineapples because it's bad to poo pineapples.

teh end. (for real!)


End file.
